I hear noises that kids in my class don’t like there are 100 channels turned on at the same time, sometimes I hear screams, screams that make me bang my head against a wall, that’s the reason why I don’t talk much or according to Miss Ana, not at all. But Tim is cool with it; he knows me since the 3rd grade.
I am lucky that I have Liz with me all the time; she is my twin, and I know dealing with me costs her a lot. I suck at being a good sister.
Dad always assures me that I am special, and there is nothing wrong with me, but he was wrong, there is nothing right about being a schizophrenic; it’s stupid that I know what’s wrong with me, and I can’t fix it, but it’s not what I see most of the time it’s the voices, and no matter how hard I try to cover my ears, they reach my brain and make me helpless.
Kids in the school usually avoid me, they call me the creep of West high, but Liz fights for me.
It was winter, early in the morning; the wind was cruel, unlike the rest of the year, and what else can you expect at the end of the year. Liz wasn’t home, so I had to walk to school alone.
The winds were hitting hard; my nose became numb; I rubbed my hands and put them on my cheeks; in the way, I saw Tim, he was wearing his favorite hoodie under his black leather jacket.
“Hi,” he said. He offered me some cashews from his pocket; I took them and ate a few.
We were crossing roads; I was walking fast, the voices in my head started to scream, I had to make them stop, the wind was hitting me hard, my feet were frozen, I heard a big noise, car tyres screeching on the road. When I looked back, Tim was lying in the middle of the road; a car hit him, his eyes were closed, he had blood all over his face, I didn’t know how to move, it was like someone nailed my feet down, a moment later there was an ambulance, they took Tim to the hospital.
I blacked out, and suddenly I saw Liz coming towards me in her red Santa cap, on December 4th, she had our favorite donuts in her hands, I was sitting in the car, she was crossing the road, while a truck hit her, she was lying on the road, soaked up in blood just as I saw Tim lying in his own blood, I couldn’t move then, I couldn’t move now, what was wrong with me, I screamed and screamed as loud as I could, like all the grief in my heart was cursing this universe.
I opened my eyes and found myself in my room. It’s been two years since Liz died, and all this time, I imagined her along with me.
My dad took me into his arms and kissed my forehead.
“Why did you guys didn’t tell me that Liz is dead? She is no more with us, right? ” I asked
“The thing is, Lisa, doctors told us that this day would come, we couldn’t, and we are very sorry.”
“No, you don’t have to be” I hugged my parents, and suddenly it came to my mind that Liz was always there with me.
I asked about Tim, and my parents told me that luckily, he survived the accident. I felt relieved; I wiped my tears, dressed up, and went to Tim’s house; he was standing in his backyard looking at his trees.
I ran towards him and hugged him; he hugged back.
“What took you so long?” he whispered.
“I had to choose my reality,” I whispered back in his ear.
And there I was, at that moment where I came back to the only reality I had left, knowing that having a mental problem doesn’t make me less of a human.