Communication Patterns That Hurt Relationships

by juliet ijemaru

E

ffective communication is the foundation upon which every relationship is built. Unfortunately, many couples struggle at this. It is not just enough to be with the right person or have your heart in the right place. If you fail at communicating effectively with your partner, the relationship will go through many ups and downs.

Couples make a lot of communication mistakes that could have been avoided if they were identified on time. These seemingly insignificant mistakes end up hurting the relationship in the long run when ignored.

Messing up communication could be considered one of the most severe issues you can have in a relationship. Good communication builds security and confidence in the relationship. It makes it possible for you to connect with your partner on a deeper level. So what are these communication mistakes that relationships face?

#1. Screaming and yelling at your partner

At some points in your relationship, you may probably raise your voice at your partner. Disagreements do occur, and it is not wrong to have divergent views of things sometimes. But if this happens all the time, you may be missing out on something. Yelling and screaming do not produce any positive results.

It will only make matters worse. When you scream at your partner, the natural response would be to become defensive. Instead of yelling, wait till you are calm and initiate conversation. If you are constantly raising your voice, you are most likely not communicating well.

#2. Giving your partner the silent treatment

While this may seem quite normal when you were a third-grader at a playground, the result is usually counter-productive when introduced into an adult relationship. When you shut your partner out or refuse to communicate, it hurts the relationship. So ensure you talk things over with your partner no matter how difficult it may be. This will help to prevent a build-up of issues along the line.

#3. Being the one to apologize all the time

Being the one to apologize after every argument is a sign that the relationship is not entirely healthy. It may seem like the right to do things to return to normal, but it can lead to more problems.

On the other hand, not apologizing even when you are wrong is a communication mistake too. The aim is to strike a balance between the two.

Some people in a relationship apologize for everything. This can lead to serious boundary problems. When you apologize, even when you are not wrong, you communicate to your partner in so many words that you can be treated horribly.

This keeps the relationship from being built on the foundation of truth and trust. If you find yourself leaning into over apology, take note of this.

#4. Making Assumptions

When you’ve been with someone for a long time, there are certain behaviors you expect from them. Making assumptions, however, and acting on them can spell death for any relationship. You need to keep a constantly open communication channel with your partner.

This is because your expectations and rules when it comes to your relationship are not universal. Good communication gives assumption a back seat in the relationship.

#5. Trying to discuss issues at the wrong time

While all efforts to be open and honest with your partners should be applauded, it is also essential that you know when to talk about it. Some time and places just won’t be appropriate for certain kinds of conversations. The right time is not when you or your partner is tired, stressed, or angry. Wait till a more calm moment before bringing up matters that can lead to disagreement.

#6. Not being vocal about what you need

Your partner is not a mind reader. So, don’t expect them to know what you need all the time. Especially when you don’t talk about it. Not talking about your needs in a relationship can become a significant setback.

Be totally honest to your partner about the things you want out of the relationship. For example, you want to abstain from sex until the marriage, you need to be clear about it. This will help you not to come under undue pressure.

Final Thoughts

The role communication plays in relationships cannot be overemphasized. And I am not just talking about the surface-level kind of communication (that is part of it). I am talking about digging more profound to understand your partner.

When you learn how to communicate effectively, you fulfill to a large extent your partner’s needs. If you have been talking in your relationship, but deep down, you don’t seem to be getting it right, maybe you need to stop and listen.

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