n 2009, singer/rapper Chris Brown tried to push his then-girlfriend, pop star Rihanna, out of his car. It was reported that he slammed her head against the passenger window while repeatedly striking her. It wasn’t until Rihanna called for help from her assistant, who informed law enforcement, that Brown was arrested and charged with two felonies. Brown pleaded guilty to felony assault by means likely to cause significant bodily injury, and was sentenced to five years’ probation and 180 days of community labor. He was also ordered via a restraining order to stay away from Rihanna.
Sometimes, celebrities enjoy an advantage when it comes to domestic violence. Law enforcement tends to react faster, and once the celebrity comes forward, there’s a groundswell of support from the community and in the entertainment world.
But how about the average person (usually women)? What happens when they don’t have the support of a larger community? Or worse yet, that of family and friends?
Abusers don’t come and claim they are abusers. In contrast, abusers will strike as the most charming and caring persons at first. They plan and execute it to trap their target. They will overwhelm you with their love and affection. An abuser actively engages his/her girlfriend/boyfriend actively, but soon that turns into isolation. He will focus on you, and won’t let you contact someone else. Your family, friends, and support system will soon be out of touch.
Studies indicate abusers want a deeper relationship quickly. They try to get as close as possible to know everything about you. They will ask if someone has ever abused you or tried drugs and other such queries. Abusers want to collect information about you to later use them against you.
How can I identify if my partner is an abuser?
• There is no specific criterion to identify an abuser. But a particular pattern of behavior and signs can help you identify one
• If your partner tries to prevent you from meeting your support system, i.e., friends and family, you should be on alert
• Notice if your partner’s behavior is impulsive and threatens you
• If he threatens to harm you, your children, or your pets
• Threatening to kill is a major red flag. If he threatens you while having access to a gun, you should instantly contact social support or any domestic shelter.
• An abusive partner will follow you everywhere and act possessively. He tries to control your life and dictate your actions.
• Abusers often curse and use degrading language. It leads to low self-esteem, and you start thinking you don’t deserve better treatment.
• Through his actions, he controls you not only physically, but also mentally
• You start to question your own personality, intellectual, and worth
Signs That Suggest Your Partner is Lethal For You
The victim of abuse usually knows what’s coming next. Violence consultants state that if a woman says she’s in trouble and her partner might kill her, she needs help, because that’s a life-threatening situation. The perception of survivors is always essential.
When a victim decides to leave an abusive relationship, the abuser develops a sense of loss. He thinks he has lost his control and feels helpless. The urge to disrupt his former partner’s peace and take revenge keeps growing. And finally, he satisfies his ego and urges by killing his ex-partner.
Other signs that a person is an abuser and lethal include:
• S(h)e owns a gun (unless it’s legal and there’s a good reason for it)
• S(h)e threatens
• You are stalked
• You get threats that your loved ones will be harmed, i.e., children, pets, etc.
• History of abuse
• Substance use
• Badmouthing his/her partner
• Degrading his/her self-esteem
Statistics suggest 75% of domestic violence cases happen when the victim decides to leave an abusive and unhealthy relationship because the abuser wants to inflict the same pain on his partner for leaving him and breaking free from his command and control.
How To Escape From An Abusive Partner and Relationship?
Stay strong and be logical during the escape. It’s challenging, but not impossible. Many courageous women have successfully done it. It’s a bold and empowering decision, given that you properly plan how to get out of the house and arrive at a safe place.
Your local domestic violence program can help you in this regard. Like many countries, the US has particular shelter homes for Intimate Person Abuse survivors. They protect and take care of all such women who escape or survive deadly attacks from their present or former partners.