How to Love, Respect, and Care For a Man With Kids That Are Not Your Own

by Vivian Bens

Love is beautiful, especially when you meet a new person. In reality, it’s challenging to date someone, and add a child or children into the picture now you are talking about a huge commitment. This isn’t to say that dating someone with kids means baggage, but there are certain issues that present challenges.

Depending on your personality, this can leave you struggling with a host of feelings, namely insecurity. Nevertheless, if you’re reading this, it means you value the man you are in a relationship with, and that’s praiseworthy.

But the simple fact is, you have to be confident and strong when the man’s children come into the picture.  But the good news is, I have a few tips that will hopefully set you off on the right path…

#1. Assess the true situation

While dating a man with kids can seem appealing, sit back and critically assess and evaluate the situation. Is he divorced or still in the process? What kind of relationship does he share with his ex-wife? How do they co-parent/split responsibilities? Carefully weighing your options will help you know if the relationship is worth pursuing.

#2. Teamwork is essential

You need to familiarize yourself with his children’s needs; learn their likes and dislikes, and do an honest assessment.  remember kids will be kids put yourself in their shoes—nobody wants daddy’s attention taken away from them.  

This is where teamwork comes in.  You and your partner have to reassure his kids their father loves them and is committed.  If kids hear this message and you mean it, the constant reassurance will put them at ease.

#3. Set boundaries

Everyone deserves respect in the family, regardless of whether the family is blended. Clear boundaries become important, especially when your man has older kids. While it’s common to see your man is under stress with his kids, you might want to jump in and take his side, be careful! It might set up a situation whereby you seem out of place because you are not their mother.

And your man might resent you in the long run for attempting to do the role he feels like a strong proud father. Simply put, set clear boundaries for yourself by deciding when to kindly support your man and make sure you have his permission and your relationship is strong with his kids.

#4. Inevitable conversations

Dating a man with children means communication; for example, say you don’t like kids, now is the best time to get out of the relationship. In the perfect world, you would have known not to get involved with a man with kids. However, in reality, you might have started liking them but several parts of their personalities you come to dislike.

His kids are significant if he’s caring, committed, and takes pride in being a father; sadly, this isn’t something that’s going to change because you waltzed in and swept him off his feet. 

Therefore, it’s wise to brace yourself while getting comfortable knowing you will have conversations with your man that goes above and beyond a “normal” relationship. But remember, those conversations might not end the way you which sadly could cause you the heartbreaking decision to exit the relationship.   

#5. Be supportive

Let’s say you decide to stride forward with the relationship.  Your man will need your reassurance, understanding, unwavering support at some point especially when he has complaints about his kids–which for sure he will have. Being a good listener by holding back comments until the time is right will go a long way. 

#6. Handling jealousy

Yeah right, you’ll certainly say you don’t fall into this category, but imagine setting up a date with him, only to receive a text from him apologizing for needing to cancel your date because something came up with the kids. Worse yet, depending on your personality, you might take this as a sign of disrespect.

And then the issue might arise where he spends money on the kids while ignoring you with the slightest gift.  Well, sad to say, this will happen should you date this type of man. You need a measure of trust and patience especially when he let you into his life. And yes, don’t forget about the mother of his kids because rest to sure, her name will definitely come up.

  All and all….

Dating a good man with kids is worthwhile for many reasons. But most importantly, when you date a man with kids, you will come to learn that the way he loves his kids will hopefully be the exact way that he adores you for years to come.

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