Lady Gaga at the 2018 Grammy Awards, shortly before the end of her "Joanne" world tour. John Shearer/Getty Images

Singer Lady Gaga recently shared shocking details about her traumatic history in a documentary entitled The Me You Can’t See.  Gaga, 35, opened up about her issues with mental health and self-harming behaviors, something that she kept from the world.  

“My mental health, I thought, was a problem when I was very young. I used to cut myself when I was very young,” she said. “I had my own experiences with abuse, and it’s really hard for me to articulate in a way where I feel like it’s safe for young people to listen or even older people to listen about why anyone would cut.”.

The pop star has sold over 124 million records and is the fourth highest-earning female musician. Her achievements include 12 Grammy Awards, 18 VMAs, 16 Guinness World Records, awards from the Songwriters Hall of Fame. 

During the tell-all interview, she spoke about the trauma of being raped at the age of 19, which resulted in a pregnancy.   

Years later, I went to the hospital, they brought a psychiatrist in, and I said, ‘Bring me a real doctor.’ I said, ‘Why is there a psych here? I can’t feel my body.’ I felt full-on pain, then I went numb,” she said.  “And then, I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks after, and I realized that it was the same pain I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on the corner,” she said.

Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for AT&T
Lady Gaga attends AT&T TV Super Saturday Night at Meridian at Island Gardens on Feb.1, 2020 in Miami.

The multi-platinum singer, songwriter also discussed the physical and mental trauma that she suffered over the years. She said she was shocked to learn that dealing with and treating mental health issues was a life-long process.  

The singer said the stress of it all forced the feeling as if “I was locked away in a studio for months.”  For years, Gaga struggled to regain a normal life with her attention floating between constant paranoia and dreading the black cloud. “I had a total psychotic break, and for a couple of years, I was not the same girl. The way that I feel when I feel pain is how I felt after I was raped,” she said.  

Gaga, whose real name is Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, added, “I’ve had so many MRIs and scans, they don’t find nothing, but your body remembers. I couldn’t feel anything. I dissociated. It’s like your brain goes offline, and you don’t know why no one else is panicking, but you’re in an ultra-state of paranoia.”

Similar to most rape survivors, the singer struggled with persistent low self-esteem, unwanted negative thoughts, sleep issues, and a sense of depressive apathy in general.

“It’s a really, very real thing to feel like there’s a black cloud that is following you wherever you go, telling you that you’re worthless and should die, and I used to scream and throw myself against the wall,” she said. “And you know why it’s not good to cut? You know why it’s not good to self-harm? ‘Cause, it makes you feel worse,” she said.

After an ongoing battle to emotionally heal, Gaga said her outlook has improved over the past two years.  Gaga, who is bisexual and actively supports LGBT rights, released her debut album, The Fame, in 2008, and she has produced five US No 1 albums.  Her acting career took off when she appeared in the Oscar-nominated leading role in A Star Is Born.

The documentary was co-created by Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry for the Apple TV+ platform.

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