A lot of people wonder about Nigeria, the diversity of its people, policies, and traditions, especially those that should consider it home. In the midst of all of the happenings here, no one ever stops to think about how the nation’s way of doing things could affect the perspective of a young Nigerian child. While there are many trends in Nigeria, I have noticed a very common trend in the African culture, which is the alarming rate of broken homes mostly among very young couples. Things tend to be of no consequence or oftentimes disappear when it becomes the reoccurring topic of a nation.
Women are referred to as the “weaker vessel” but I have come to the realization that women are way stronger than men due to the fact that an average woman has a whole lot more capacity to handle sensitive and delicate situations in a more effective manner than an average man.
Women carry the larger responsibility of raising children because the fathers have little or nothing to contribute to the lives of their own kids. Mothers build their children to be equipped for the future in terms of character and in others ways but how much do men really contribute? They only care about feeding the children and assuming the role of the “head of the house”.
While I am not saying that the role of fathers in the family is irrelevant, it can easily become the major reason why they back out of the very family that they created. I come from a broken home myself as do a lot of people that I consider friends and it is always the same story of a man not caring enough or being too lazy to be an actual father to their children. You get to realize as time goes on that mothers though given little or no credit, are the “superheroes” of the world. Mothers too can also get on the wrong side of a broken home and the fathers take up the responsibility of taking care of the children but oftentimes, it’s the women that take up the responsibility of being the sole provider of the family
My name is Nelly Adams and I’m a nineteen-year-old Nigerian and I want to talk about my mother and her struggles as a single Nigerian parent with three kids. During the course of writing this story, I got to ask my mum a lot of questions to which I’ll be sharing the answers with you and I hope that by hearing her story, you’ll be able to see for yourself how strong and reliant the women folk are.
My mum, being born into the type of family that she was, where she watched her older sisters who didn’t have the privilege of being sent to school, fend for themselves at a very young age because they were born into a family that preferred males over females, had always wanted a better life for herself especially for her children and this drive led her toward leaving her hometown at twenty to Lagos state in Nigeria. She met my dad in November of that same year she came to Lagos and I guess they fall in love.
My mum’s family never approved of my dad especially her elder brother for so many reasons only one of which I know of. My dad was someone who cared a lot about how he looked and he tried all means to keep up with his lifestyle though he wasn’t loaded financially for that kind of lifestyle and did it at the detriment of the future of his kids.
As a little girl, I remember seeing my mum crying a lot and it would break my heart but I didn’t know how to comfort her and so I would sit close to her, or sometimes I would cry too though I didn’t know why.
It didn’t take me a long time to realize and to accept the fact that my siblings and I would never come first to my dad but I knew that my sister had a difficult time dealing with it even if she’ll never admit it. I remember when the fighting started or should I say when I noticed it, it was around the time my mum started going to the university and my dad got a little jealous.
He would refuse to pay for anything around the house and say that he was only capable of giving us money for snacks for school and other things that suited him at any time though he didn’t pull through on that and would always put pressure on mum to ask her “rich” brother for help. He would sometimes come up with these crazy ideas that he would only pay for my tuition but I went to a public school and didn’t need to pay tuition. After my mum left him, he didn’t call for over a year and when he finally did, it was only to make my mum the bad guy.
I had to ask my mum one time why she married him because I knew that she deserved so much better than him. She deserves someone who would put her first and not envy her, someone who would encourage her to be her best self and to reach her full potential. I sometimes cry when I think of how much my mum has done to make our lives better than the one she had, she deprived herself of a lot of things to provide for us but there were times that the pressure would get to her and we, her kids would have to our own little sacrifice to make things easier for her.
I couldn’t ask for a better mother because she’s the best and she’s my personal superhero. I try not to think about my dad but I can’t help it sometimes and I hate myself for it but then I remember all the horrible things he has said to me like “I don’t need you in my life”, “I can take care of myself at old age”, “I don’t have to give you money, you have your mother for that”, etc. Well, my siblings and I turned out pretty great and we’ve learned to love each other above all.
These situations happen in a lot of families in the world and I know that there are a lot of people out there who have had it worse than we did but we can pull through and be better than our parents.
A broken home though it might not be seen as a political topic it is sometimes the foundations and backstories of a lot of leaders today and it can affect the way they lead our countries. You might wonder why some people are sexist or why they think that women don’t have anything to offer, it might be that they had fathers who abused their mothers or never treated their sisters right. We all have a duty to ourselves and to the world to frame and protect the minds of our children as they are the only chance at a better and greater future.